What is relationship?

                                                             What is Relationship?

Today was a tough day. It was a day that challenged me to think on my most inner belief structure. What I believe to be an innate natural fact was being challenged in many levels. It made me reminisce on things before, rejections of before, and hurts of before, But the difference came in that I am not the young insecure and naive woman of 37 I am the established, strong confident woman of 50.

I believe everything I am is because of relationship. I am a Christian first. The relationship between me and God works on many levels but all are founded in that I am loved so much that a relationship that was broken was mended not in what I could do but in what was done and then gifted back to me just because I was created to be loved by God and in just that, that I was His daughter, not in what I could give as His daughter or do as His daughter but just because I am His daughter. That fact remains no mater if I am in relationship of good standing or in walking out my own life apart and thus in broken relationship with God I am his daughter full stop. However Because I am in relationship of good standing I gain so much, I have His rights: I have His authority, I have his royal lineage. I am a daughter of the king of kings I am a royal priest and have His ring and His letter of authority and thus I always have that relationship foremost in who I am, but I was given the choice whether or not I would be in a relationship of good standing or to continue on in broken relationship with God. .

However whether or not you accept whom I am first as a Christian overshadows every other relationship in my life and thus qualifies whether or not we will be in good standing or in broken or strained relationship. Nevertheless there are some innate relationships in my life that are just unshakeable in that no matter what is said or done will always be: These are the blood ones. But whether the blessings of being in good relationship even in those are where our choice comes into play. We in all of our relationships have a choice whether we live in them or not. 

God paid the ultimate price for relationship in that He gave His only son to die to gain relationship with His children once more. Not because of what but because of who He is. He is God yet He is our father. He loves us full stop.

I believe that I am a mother and a daughter full stop. That doesn’t change because I am in or not in a good relationship with my earthly father and mother or my children. I am a mother or a daughter because of birth. If I was adopted I believe the choice of gaining that title functions in the same way. I am not born of God but adopted into His Royal lineage, with full rights. In a perfect relationship this functions in the same way, daughter, mother, father son is because it is. But the relationship lived out is where our choice come into play.

As a daughter I chose to both honor my father and mother or not. In doing so I either gain or reject the blessings of that relationship as a result of that choice. That is the choice I have to make. But in that choice I have to accept them for who they are in my life or not. In the same way my children have to do the same. Their choice does not alter the fact that I am loved or that I love. My earthly mother has passed away. Whether she is alive or dead does not change the fact that she is my mother. The fact that she has passed away only alters where the relationship can function. I can’t be in relationship just now. But the love and position still lives on as her daughter. That part doesn’t change.

So back to my struggle and why I am awake in the middle of the night. One of those relationships was being challenged. So the question I was struggling with had me questioning who I was and what I could be and resulted in the revelation above. What I was going to do with that revelation was what my choice was.

I choose to love and want to be in a relationship of good standing but I will not accept disrespect and lack of honor in that relationship. I have not always been a perfect mother or daughter, but throughout my life I have tried to be real, and good and thoughtful, and considerate of that relationship to the best of my ability and understanding at any given season of my life only because of firstly the relationship and understanding of who God is in my life not because of any goodness in me. 

I will love my family because they are my family full stop. But I will be in a good or bad relationship because of the choices I make or the choices that they make regarding me. Each person is responsible for his or her own choices and thus is responsible for the resulting lack or blessing from that relationship. Each of us has boundaries or conditions of that relationship and so have to carefully weigh what we will accept or give in it.  

I am however two parts of the same person, I am made up of the spiritual and fleshly me, resulting in the war that was going on inside me. Which would result in what I was willing to accept or reject in that relationship, which was being challenged. I choose to think on eternity and not my flesh at this point in this season of my life, which does not negate the fact that I hurt or can hurt in that relationship. 

But what does not change and will never change is that I am a mother or their mother. I have a past and I have a present and I have a future, but I choose to love. I believe I have much to give and so want to give it but choices have to be made and forgiveness has to be given for a relationship of good standing to be a result. There is never just black or white to any situation or choice but shades of grey too that’s where things become tough. I choose to become vulnerable and transparent to allow that relationship to move forward but in a strong confident understanding of who the woman I have become is at this time, not in weakness and with no choice because my hands are tied or in fear of the consequences and that relationships future or lack of.

I have many relationships but only 3 birth children and 7 chosen children, which are the most important relationships after my God and my husband which I chose to fight for or nurture to the best of my ability.